But sometimes, like this time, my heart wouldn’t clear.  My eyes wouldn’t cry.  My thoughts wouldn’t categorize, nor would they make accommodations for what my lived experience purported. I was deeply grieving.  Not because life and breath had expired and memories were raging; but because time continued to march on.  I was riddled with an internal, unseen sadness not because someone was gone too soon; but because they were still present, and that presence was at war with hope. 

Welcome back to you! Welcome back to feeling inspired again to do all that you were intended to do. Welcome back to picking up that pen, writing again, and welcome back to singing too! Welcome back to work, and welcome back to play. Welcome back to each moment in every minute of each day.

God knows your mistakes. He also knows the things that have hurt you deeply that you’ve never told anyone about. He knows that your falls have caused you quite a bit of grief, loss, and damage.  God sees the scars that mirrors don’t reveal. 

The real issue may be hurt. The real issue may be prolonged disappointment or frustration. The real issue may be unmet expectations. Anger steps in like a basketball player off the bench to play the game.

At this moment, my mandate is to focus on some of the expressions of our souls present in our interactions with one another that affect our wholeness and functionality. Let’s have the difficult conversations and take a long hard look at ourselves so that we will not emerge from the pause of the pandemic the same as we were before.

If nothing else, the pandemic should have taught us that tomorrow, that alleged day, may not be ours to hold. If going “back to normal” includes being too tired to enjoy the money I make with the people I love, I’ll pass. “I’ll take living-my-best-life-now for $500 Alex.”

Yet the dichotomy of my reality

Breaks me on a daily

And what’s ailing me makes me feel crazy

To even share my human frailty

Let’s see if I can put it plainly…

Nala became a part of my life in early 2017. I was preparing for general exams and took a break to run to the pet store. BIG mistake! My godchildren had an agenda that I knew nothing of. I’ll never forget it. The plan was to purchase their Mom a lap dog. She’d wanted a doggie that would jump in her purse or sit comfortably in her lap. Thus, the kids hoodwinked me into being a part of this secret mission— “operation lap dog.”

He’s my loyal lab. The oldest of the bunch. I like to say he is old and wise—among other things. Cj, a dog, had enough sense to enjoy the presence of his master. How much more should I rest at the feet of my Lord?

“Never mind….I have the answer.”

The following words poured out of my spirit. “Do it anyway.” I started to release the emotion I was feeling at that moment through my tears as I remembered the words to the poem, “do it anyway.”

Just because “trash” tv is available doesn’t mean you should continuously indulge in it. Just because “trash” media and social media is popular doesn’t mean you should downgrade your standards to engage in it. Don’t settle for trash.

That my friend is the operation of faith…knowing God without knowing all of the details. Knowing God and His character assures us that His purposes and His plans are to prosper us, to give us a future and a hope. All things are ready. Through our experiences, God readies us for profitable stewardship of His manifested plan.

You see, I’d been in survival mode so long, I hadn’t taken a breath long enough to realize that my situation had improved! Have you ever struggled so hard that when the fight was over you didn’t even recognize you could take the gloves off? That’s a different story for another day. Sips tea and rocks…

This month, Beyond the Walls is intentionally reaching out to those who care for others: parents, caregivers, essential workers, teachers, ministry leaders and their families. This week we focus on parents and guardians. Tag a parent in this letter from Tony Gray. It’ll be sure to brighten their day.

This month, Beyond the Walls is intentionally reaching out to those who care for others: parents, caregivers, essential workers, teachers, ministry leaders and their families. This week we focus on teachers. Tag a teacher in this letter from Tyson Gray. It’ll be sure to brighten their day.